life, as we see it

This blog was not created for just the fun thoughts, pictures, random videos or interesting finds. It was created to be sort of a live journal, to log all that we see, feel, think and do. After all, it is a journey we are taking. With that in mind… I decided to share with you something that God has been teaching me.

Being here can be very difficult at times. It seems that if you take 100% of what is said in any given day, it will break down into 50% is what you ACTUALLY SAID and 50% is having to repeat it or explain it or reword it. Miscommunication here is more than just an inconvenience; it transcends just “simple language barrier”. There is a deep spiritual issue at play. Ephesians 6:12 says that “we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world”. This is a truth that I accept.

Somewhere along the way I began to have some very passionate disagreements…conducted in silence, of course. I moved from “taking thoughts captive” with grace and began to very religiously “bottle things up”. For 2 weeks I stayed frustrated, felt condemned and felt that the world was against me. At least I could say that I was “taking the high road” and not responding to those silly “attacks”... after all, I do know truth, right?!

Finally things came to a head. I called a friend from home to just seek SOMETHING. I could not hear, or discern, or sort through anything. The forest was too overwhelming for me to see the trees. Truth is what I got, and it stung. It stung a lot. Yet, it was like the sting of a shot you know is going to make you feel better in the end. She says to me, “sounds like you’re full of pride”. (**gasp) On the inside was something like: “WHAT? Are you kiddin’ me?!?! Haven’t you heard me?!?! I am the one that was the most GIVING and the most GRACIOUS and IGNORING the conspiracy that was designed to take me down!! And you’re saying it’s ME?!?” What came out was more like: “uh-huh…ok”

So, I prayed about it; however, I knew that I knew God had used her to pierce my heart with truth. I was being prideful. When I asked Him about it, He confirmed it. Now, in my humbleness I genuinely asked Him to show me my heart and what I cannot see. To the list He added: self-focused, unloving, not encouraging, concerned with appearances, critical, and being a stumbling block. To which my only response was to lie in the floor and say “I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” and He did. I stood up, dusted myself off, took a deep breath, took back my authority, and repented to whom I’d hurt. I was forgiven.

Joyce Meyer was giving a message (the same day) and said, “You cannot make changes in your own power, or you’d be able to receive the glory. You MUST depend on the GRACE of God to make changes. You cannot change yourself - that is just a decision or suppressing it. By allowing the Holy Spirit to change you in the grace of Gods power and timing, HE will transform you from the inside out. Then everyone will know it could only be God.” [my paraphrasing as close as possible to quoting] Religiously bottling things up will only be in my power and suppression - to take thoughts captive in LOVE and desire to believe the best and honor… that is depending on the Spirit.